Pop Culture Retrospective Podcast Episode #45 : Fiona Apple - a story of a creative genius

Show #45 - Fiona Apple

When you think back to your writing ability as a teeanger or young adult, what do you think about?  Did you do well on your assignments in English class?  Was your work published in the school newspaper? Did you write overly dramatic journal entries about how your crush will never notice you?  Or perhaps you wrote horrible poetry, like me-

This is a poem called ‘Breakdown’ written one summer when I worked at a summer camp and I thought I was just a really deep person-

We can act like it doesn’t matter

But it does

How others

Act

React

And look at you

Affects how we feel

It hurts

And it pulls

And it makes us cry

It makes us think

It makes us write

It makes us silent

But I won’t stay down for long

I’ll keep my head up high

I have no idea what I was referencing in that poem, but what I do know is that this piece of writing is a dumpster firel, good grief! I feel like the past few shows I have really thrown myself under the bus which I think is quite hilarious, however like Rick Warren once said:  “Humility isn’t denying your strengths; it’s being honest about your weaknesses.” My weakness being, I suck at poetry.  Anyways….

One individual who developed an incredible talent for writing at an early age is singer-songwriter, Fiona Apple, who released her first album ‘Tidal’ when she was just 19 years old.  The powerful lyrics were all penned by Apple who first started composing music when she was 8 years old.  Lyrics such as these which come from ‘Never is a Promise’ which was probably my sister’s all-time favorite song by this musician mastermind:

You'll never see the courage I know

Its color's richness won't appear within your view

I'll never glow the way that you glow

Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights

The shades and shadows undulate in my perception

My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights

I understand what I am still too proud to mention to you 

My sister was also an incredible writer so perhaps that’s why she was drawn to Apple’s music when she first heard it when she was in high school.  Her debut album, ‘Tidal’ was unlike anything we had ever heard before.  It was unbelievable that someone so young could create such a masterpiece with unmatched lyrics and sound.  Like so many of our interests as kids and young adults, my sister introduced me to Fiona Apple and I too became an admirer of her music.  So with that said, on today’s show you will learn about the impressive yet reclusive life and career of the one and only Fiona Apple.  Her music was often blaring out of my sister’s Panasonic compact stereo which was sitting atop her white dresser in her bedroom.  As I was researching for this week’s show the word prodigy and resilient kept coming to mind and you will soon learn why.  So, grab your teenage angst, your doc marten boots and tickle those ivories, here we go!

Hello and thank you so very much for tuning in to the Pop Culture Retrospective Podcast, a show inspired by, and in memory of, my big sister Rebecca and her love for all things pop-culture, especially the people, places and things of the 80s, 90s and early 00s.  My name is Amy Lewis and I am your captain aboard this pop culture time machine. You are tuning in to episode # 45, Fiona Apple, one of the most talented musicians my sister and I had the pleasure of listening to as teeangers and young adults.  Before we get into the show I did want to make sure to mention that some of the content of this episode will not be appropriate for younger audiences.  We will be touching on some difficult topics, things that Fiona Apple has lived through such as abuse and substance use and I just wanted to make sure to give you a head’s up.  

Fiona Apple (name at birth was Fiona Apple McAfee-Maggart) was born on September 13, 1977 in New York to parents Diane McAfee and Brandon Maggart.  Her mother was previously a singer and her father was an actor and producer.  Her father is known for his contributions to films like ‘Dressed to Kill’ and ‘Christmas Evil.’  Her grandmother was a dancer and her grandfather was a singer in a big band.  Needless to say, she comes from a long line of talented, musical performers. And, apparently, the ‘apple’ doesn’t fall far from the tree.  I didn’t realize this, but Fiona Apple has an older sister named Amber McAfee Maggart.  She goes by Maude Maggart on stage and she is a cabaret singer.  Fiona and Maude actually incorporate pieces of their stage names from their late grandmother whose name was Maude Apple Robinson.  She also has two half siblings.  

Beginning at an early age, Apple received training as a classical pianist.  By the age of 8 she was composing her own music.  She apparently had such a strong musical ear that she could take guitar tablature and translate it into piano chords.   She could also play along with her favorite jazz musicians like Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday, both of whom she said have had a significant influence on her.  She started creating scores to go along with television shows like something on National Geographic, she would create music to go along with a chase scene of maybe a lion going after a zebra.  She would sleep with Maya Angelou’s writings under her pillow.  Angelou’s writing provided her with a lot of comfort as a child and inspiration as an adult.  

When Apple was just 12 years old, she was sexually assualted outside of the apartment she lived in with her mother and stepfather.  Likely related to this, Apple was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and PTSD, something she has understandably continued to live with into her adulthood.  She also developed an eating disorder around this time as well, she felt so depressed at times that she was unable to eat very much. She would get upset when people referred to her as being anorexic when she became famous.  She said her depression and anxiety prevented her from eating at times. Also, due to her OCD which she had been diagnosed with, further narrowed down her eating choices as she was very selective of what she was eating based on its shape and/or color.

Just a quick side note before we get back to Apple- One thing I have noticed as I have been doing this show for the past year and a half is how many people I have done shows on who have lived through some horrific and traumatic circumstances, specifically physical and sexual abuse.  Sometimes I hesitate about whether or not to bring this aspect of people’s story up because it’s certainly not easy to think about or discuss, but I also recognize the importance of sharing what people have been through and not shying away from it.  I also recognize that there are likely listeners of this show who are survivors of traumatic occurrences or love someone who is a survivor so I don’t want to sweep it under the rug.  I don’t want the individuals who my sister loved to be defined by their trauma, but I want to be honest with the listeners of this show.  I want to make sure that survivors know they don’t need to hide.  Now back to the show…

Despite the trauma that Apple faced she continued to study and write music. It was certainly an outlet for her because not only had she gone through the assault, she was also picked on at school, often for her looks. Apple would often envision herself sort of morphing into a bird when she was a kid, as a means of escaping the bullies.  In her imagination, she’d be sitting alongside her classmates who were picking on her and all of a sudden wings would start to form and she’d become airborne. Stunned, her classmates watched in amazement and she flew up into the air and they would all quietly whisper- “Fiona has wings.”  Apparently she has the letters FHW tattooed on her as a reminder of how she has risen above. Also, Apple would later write a song about a girl named Shameika, who gave her some words of encouragement on a tough day at school one day.  Apparently one day in the cafeteria, Apple attempted to sit with a group of girls but they were laughing at her and didn’t want her to sit near them.  As the story goes, a girl named Shameika went up to Apple and said:  “Why do you want to sit with these girls?  You have potential!” That sentiment stuck with her through her on-going challenging days at school. More on Shameika in a little bit.

One thing I read about Apple that just broke my heart is something she said about her classmates.  She said once quote:  “When I was a kid--10, 11, 12, 13--the thing I wanted most in the world was a best friend. I wanted to be important to people; to have people that understood me. I wanted to just be close to somebody. And back then, a thought would go through my head almost constantly: "There's never gonna be a room someplace where there's a group of people sitting around, having fun, hanging out, where one of them goes, 'You know what would be great? We should call Fiona. Yeah, that would be good.' That'll never happen. There's nothing interesting about me." I just felt like I was a sad little boring thing.” 

As she got older, Apple sadly suffered from panic attacks as she would walk home from school so she relocated to Los Angeles for some time so she could live with her father.  It wasn’t a permanent move but it did give her a bit of a break.  Later, when Apple was 16 years old, she was in her apartment looking down at Riverside Park.  She recalls a voice inside her head that she should start recording the songs she had written in various notebooks.    She then flew to LA again where her Dad was living and with his help, she recorded 3 songs and they created 78 demo tapes.  He told her to be patient, that it could take years and years to find the right manager and find the right record company.  The first tape she shared with a friend of hers would be life changing.  The friend babysat for a publicist and said publicist gave it to Andrew Slater who was a well-known producer and manager.  She was then signed to Sony records and the rest is kind of history.  Tidal was released in 1996 and was highly praised by critics. I wonder if the producers in the studio were wearing brown pants when she recorded the tracks for ‘Tidal’ as I’m pretty sure they shat themselves when they realized what a creative genius Fiona Apple is and how profound her music and lyrics are.  It was a bit of a slow start at first but the more the world got to know Fiona Apple, the more popular she became.  A total of 6 singles were released from the album including ‘Shadowboxer’, ‘Sleep to Dream’, ‘Never is a Promise’ which I mentioned at the top of the show, ‘Slow Like Honey,’ ‘The First Taste’ and ‘Criminal.’  All of these, by the way, are excellent songs and should be listened to if you haven’t done so already.  They are some of my sister’s favorites for sure, and mine as well.  The song, Criminal, really put Apple on the map.  It peaked at #21 on the Billboard Hot 100 and had a very memorable video to go along with it.  The music video was both loved by cinematography fans for it’s storytelling abilities but also was also referred to as “heroin chic” because Apple is very thin and frail in the music video and is in many suggestive poses.  Re-watching the video almost 25 years after it debuted, I can see why it was so controversial and admittedly, it is a little hard to watch.  That being said, I appreciate that Apple was not afraid to put herself out there and to go against the grain and do something different.  Here are a few lines from the song, Criminal:

Let me know the way

Before there's hell to pay

Give me room to lay the law and let me go

I've got to make a play

To make my lover stay

So what would an angel say?

The devil wants to know

Criminal would go on to win a Grammy award for best Female Rock Vocal Performance.  The whole album itself should have won a grammy but at least her undeniable talent was being formally recognized.  

In 1997, Fiona Apple was one of the main stage performers for the Lilith Fair, an all-women performance concert series, started by Sarah ‘Adia I do believe I failed you’ McLachlin.  McLachlin started the concert series because she was very frustrated that concert promoters and radio station DJs typically refused to have two women performers play in a row.  The first Lilith Fair was a success and went on to have additional concert series in 1998, 1999 and a revival in 2010.  

Other performers over the years included Missy Elliott, Indigo Girls, Tracy Chapman and the Bangles to name just a few.  

Released in 1998, Fiona Apple contributed to the soundtrack for the movie Pleasantville starring a young Toby Mcguire and Reece Witherspoon.  She performed a beautiful rendition of the Beatles song ‘Across the Universe.’  I was so captivated by her version of this timeless song that I purchased the full album/soundtrack for the sole purpose of being able to listen to this song on repeat.  

In 1999, Apple released her second album- ‘When the Pawn’ which is short for:  “When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right.”  Once again this album was praised by critics for it’s unique and mature sound.  The album features songs such as ‘Fast as you Can’ which is probably one of the most well-known songs off the record as well as ‘Paper Bag,’ ‘On The Bound’ and one of my all-time favorite songs ‘The Way Things Are.’ Much like a boxer warming up for a fight or a basketball player listening to their favorite tunes while practicing jump shots before a game, I too jam out to music before I do a podcast. 

So, I have found myself going for a lot of walks recently while jamming out to Fiona Apple, specifically listening to Fast as You Can and the Way Things Are being in heavy rotation.  I feel a range of emotions when I listen to her music- most notably nostalgia and sentimentality since I remember listening to her music with my sister.  And as I’ve mentioned before, I really try to immerse myself in whatever subject matter I am covering prior to recording a show.  And if you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, then you’ll appreciate that I jammed out to MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Missy Elliott and Bush, among many others, in preparation for their particular show.  When the Pawn was written about by Rollingstone on it’s 20th anniversary.  The magazine said quote:  “If you’re looking for a statement of intent on Fiona Apple’s second album When the Pawn…, which turns 20 on Saturday, it’s right there in the opening of the second track. Over the steadfast piano plunks and rolling drums of “To Your Love,” the then-22-year-old takes aim at her detractors by invoking their own taunts towards her work: “Here’s another speech you wish I’d swallow/Another cue for you to fold your ears/Another train of thought too hard to follow/Chuggin’ along to a song that belongs to the shifting of gears.” It was this mix of sophisticated pop writing and unabashedly juvenile needling – devoting an entire verse to quoting your haters – that made Apple both an annoyance to critics early in her career and a folk hero to her legions of young fans.”

Apple's next album wouldn’t arrive until 2005, rumors swirled back then as to why there was such a delay.  Some people said that Sony was going to drop her from their record label.  The record company reportedly said they were holding off for lack of songs that could be used as singles and that there wasn’t a quote “hit” on the album.  A group of fans dubbed “Free Fiona” mailed the record company  more than 1,000 apples to express their frustration about her album being shelved.  They also gathered 36,000 petition signatures demanding the album be released.  

Also, in January of 2005, dozens of dedicated Fiona Apple fans flooded the street outside of Sony records, chanting and singing in honor of their hero.  They even held up a large apple sign. They were all wearing red hats, which they gave out to passersby, in honor of a song rumored to be on the album entitled Red, Red, Red.   After some leaks online, Extraordinary Machine was finally released in October of 2005 by Epic Records, which is owned by Sony.  Many of the previous songs for the album were scrapped or re-worked.  For her legions of fans, a reworked album was better than no album at all.  Some of the songs from this album include:  ‘O Sailor,’ ‘Not About Love’ and two of my sister’s favorite songs- ‘Extraordinary Machine’ and ‘Waltz.’  The timing of this album’s release was really a defining moment for my sister.   She had just gotten out of a relationship that we had all hoped she would and as a result, she felt incredibly proud of herself.  She cut her hair short for the first time in almost her entire life and she felt so strong and powerful. Some of Apple’s lyrics really spoke to her at the time, I remember her telling me all about them and the album as a whole. 

 In the song ‘Waltz,’ Apple wrote:

If you don't have a song to sing, you're okay

You know how to get along, humming

Hmm, hmm, hmm

If you don't have a date, celebrate

Go out and sit on the lawn

And do nothing

'Cause it's just what you must do

Nobody does it anymore

She also loved the lyrics to the title track, ‘Extraordinary Machine’ :  

If there was a better way to go then it would find me

I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me

Be kind to me, or treat me mean

I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

The last two lines of that song were really her mantra for some time, when she realized she didn’t have to be in a bad situation anymore.  It was incredibly empowering.  Walking away from a bad relationship, even if it’s hard to do so, is incredibly liberating.  

In 2012, we saw the release of another long titled album called:  ‘The Idler Wheel is Wiser than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Save you More than the ropes will ever do.”

This album would be Apple’s most successful release to date, reaching #3 on the Billboard 200.  It was nominated for a Grammy for Best Alternative Album.  It features songs like ‘Every Single Night’ and ‘Hot Knife.’ It was widely praised by critics once again.  As a matter of fact, in 2020, Rollingstone put this album on their list of the 500 greatest albums of all time.  

Most recently, Apple dropped the album ‘Fetch the Bolt Cutters’ in 2020.  The album title comes from a phrase that actress Gillian Anderson who played a sex crimes investigator in a crime drama show called ‘The Fall.’  

In one episode, Anderson’s character is investigating a crime scene where a woman was tortured and she says ‘fetch the bolt cutters.’ The album came out during the pandemic during a time when people were feeling extremely isolated (which I know many people are still grappling with now).  The album was going to be released in October of 2020, but Apple pushed for it to be released sooner so that she could give her fans something to listen to and relate to as they dealt with the isolation and also so she could avoid stressful press situations. She utilized unconventional methods for recording this album..instead of some fancy recording studio, she used her iPhone and Garage Band (which is a software program included on apple products) to put a lot of it together.  Critics praised Apple’s confidence in this album and have deemed it a masterpiece and some of Apple’s very best work.  It made pretty much every magazine’s top 50 albums of the year list.  The New York Times wrote about her latest album saying quote:  Traumas and obstacles confront Fiona Apple all the way through “Fetch the Bolt Cutters.” It’s her first album since 2012 and by far her noisiest one, aimed not for radio or for inoffensively curated singer-songwriter playlists — but for catharsis. Apple has never been timid; even on her 1996 debut album, released when she was a teenager, her songs explored psychological minefields and spared no one. But “Fetch the Bolt Cutters” is daring in a new way, scrambling and shattering the pop-song structures that once grounded her.”  She references depression and the ending of a romantic relationship on the album- items that many a listener can once again relate to.  Some of the songs on this album include- “I Want You to Love Me,” “Under the Table” and “Shameika,” which we talked about earlier.  “Shameika” is essentially a thank you letter, in the form of a song, that Apple wrote to her classmate who encouraged her on a day when kids were being cruel to her when she was in school.  In the song, Apple says:

I used to walk down the streets on my way to school

Grinding my teeth to a rhythm invisible

I used my feet to crush dead leaves like they had fallen from trees

Just for me

Just to be crash cymbals

In class I'd pass the time

Drawing a slash for every time the second hand went by

A group of five

Done twelve times was a minute

But

Shameika said I had potential

Shameika said I had potential

Shameika said I had potential

Shameika said I had potential

I used to march down the windy, windy sidewalks

Slapping my leg with a riding crop

Thinking it made me come off so tough

I didn't smile, because a smile always seemed rehearsed

I wasn't afraid of the bullies

And that just made the bullies worse

Later in the song she said she would never see Shameika again, after all the last time they had seen each other was decades before.  However, Apple had kept in contact with her 3rd grade teacher who helped re-connect her with Shameika!  Apple was able to thank her in person and as it turns out, Shameika is actually a rapper in real life and they were able to do a collaboration called “Shameika Said.”  Based on what I heard with their collaborative song, Shameika has a lot of potential, too.  When I first heard the song, I didn’t realize what it’s about.  She repeats the phrase Shameika said I had potential so many times in the song  that after a while I found myself thinking - okay, we get, Shameika said you had potential.  All kidding aside, knowing the backstory behind this song makes it all the more powerful. 

Reports have indicated that part of the reason for the large gap in years between Apple’s albums have a lot to do with her mental health.  As I mentioned earlier, she has struggled with OCD for most of her life - apparently when she was a child to calm her anxiety one thing she would do was rollerskate around her dining room table 88 times, 88 being the number of keys on a piano.  She has struggled with self harm.  She is a perfectionist when it comes to her music so if she feels like she doesn’t have anything to say, or if it doesn’t sound right, she doesn’t feel comfortable performing.  She has walked off stage when the speakers aren’t working right or if the music doesn’t sound good.  She has often been labeled a drama queen or inappropriate as she has sworn as she has walked off stage, but it may have more to do with her mental health than anything else.  She has received help over the years for her mental health, it’s been trial and error with things like medication.  She has also stopped drinking which she said helped her a lot and she has also stopped using other substances like illicit drugs which she used when she was younger.  Fiona Apple’s life is certainly not filled with glitz and glamor like we would have expected.  Instead, I have learned and hopefully you have learned that Apple is a real person with real struggles and I appreciate how outspoken she has been over the years and how she has kept being herself and has encouraged others to do so as well. 

Apple’s life has certainly not been easy, but I did want to make sure to highlight some happier aspects of her life.  First of all, Apple has been very generous with her earnings as an artist.  She has given earnings from her song ‘Criminal’ when it has been used in movies and tv shows, to an organization called “While They Wait.”  The organization helps refugees with securing necessities and also aids with fees and legal help.  She is also a lover of animals and has donated money to organizations that support rescue canines. She has also adopted dogs herself.  

Whether or not you are familiar with or are a fan of Fiona Apple’s, I think it’s impossible to argue that she isn’t one of the most deeply talented singer-songwriters that has ever sat behind a piano or had a microphone in hand.  And if you haven’t listened to a ton of her music, please do so.  Find a quiet spot, put on some good quality headphones and take a listen to her impressive discography.  Apple is unique in that she doesn’t have social media, she doesn’t often leave her home in Venice Beach unless she is out walking her dog.  She is incredibly talented with her lyrics and the sound of her songs, it is unlike anything else that has ever been created.  Apple has faced so many hardships in her life and is living with a mental illness.  She has faced relentless criticism for her appearance - not just during her school days but in public as an adult where concert attendees have yelled at her for what she looks like.  But like she mentions in her song Extraordinary Machine which we discussed earlier- 

Be kind to me, or treat me mean

I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

Damn right you are Fiona.  You are an extraordinary machine and so was my sister.

I hope you have enjoyed this look back on the life and career of Fiona Apple.  Her life has certainly been filled with many ups and downs, but I think that just adds to her appeal.  She has faced many of the challenges that her listeners have and she keeps going, using her music as a method with which to communicate the good and the bad.  I see so much of my sister in Fiona Apple and for so many different reasons.  I think at the end of the day what they have in common is being incredibly gifted but also carry a lot of burdens with them.  Despite all of that though, we love them anyway.  

I hope you will join me for my next show where we will be discussing…

Until then BKBSAHOTYM.